Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
