put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
