it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
