I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
