he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
