Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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