Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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