she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
