You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
