This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hippo gnu deer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
