1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
