so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You can't just leave with hair like that
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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