Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
