I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
