Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
