I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just high enough for therapy.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
