He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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