You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize