You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
