I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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