guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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