My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
