her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
