how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
