I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
