You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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