based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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