I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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