if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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