Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
