Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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