No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
this hospital has no fireball
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
