Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize