A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
