1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
