At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
