we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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