i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
NoShamevember. You game?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
