i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
