you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
