thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
