If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
