if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
