Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My ATM looks so different sober.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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