This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
