i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize