i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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