smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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