4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
