Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
