Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
