piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
