I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
