I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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