Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.