someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
