Texts From Last Night

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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You have my attention.

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  (662): I scissor kicked a one legged man last night. (662): He was trying to put me in handcuffs. (1-662): You have my attention. http://tfl.nu/abr0
  Replies (25) Good night (1966) Bad night (646)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning

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  (709): I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning http://tfl.nu/z1rc
  Replies (9) Good night (2835) Bad night (627)
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  (415): View more from California

  oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob

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  (415): oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob http://tfl.nu/u9lt
  Replies (3) Good night (3041) Bad night (651)
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  (714): View more from California

  what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?

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  (714): what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date? http://tfl.nu/fkwi
  Replies (69) Good night (4001) Bad night (1414)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.

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  (810): you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch. http://tfl.nu/47sj
  Replies (29) Good night (1248) Bad night (5059)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

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  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (18316) Bad night (1234)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.

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  (423): Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis. http://tfl.nu/t2k7
  Replies (14) Good night (1161) Bad night (4916)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am

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  (506): I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am http://tfl.nu/t74t
  Replies (14) Good night (1675) Bad night (2849)
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  (707): View more from California

  And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.

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  (707): And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope. http://tfl.nu/sve4
  Replies (13) Good night (1442) Bad night (4137)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.

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  (402): Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy. http://tfl.nu/5n13
  Replies (5) Good night (1665) Bad night (603)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?

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  (928): You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect? http://tfl.nu/nafu
  Replies (1) Good night (541) Bad night (1242)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.

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  (785): Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks. http://tfl.nu/e26o
  Replies (8) Good night (559) Bad night (1173)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour

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  (215): I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour http://tfl.nu/upbq
  Replies (11) Good night (2512) Bad night (551)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.

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  (+44): How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic. http://tfl.nu/9kr6
  Replies (12) Good night (1083) Bad night (969)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It will be interesting

  (585): View more from New York

  Isn't that your life's motto?

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  (716): It will be interesting (585): Isn't that your life's motto? http://tfl.nu/w5i1
  Replies (1) Good night (502) Bad night (423)

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