Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night