I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize