I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
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And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.