she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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