no, he came in my armpit
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
someone owes me an orgasm
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.