Just fell off a train. Bad.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
