i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
