oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
