The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
