One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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