Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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