If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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