Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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