:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
