I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to make a zoo with you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
