Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
