Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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