Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
